I'll take a left this time.

Maybe subconsciously, I want to give up, as much as I think I am contented enough. But sometimes it just gets so dreary, it had to go way beyond the threshold and I know I have to scream at someone. It's annoying really, how everything gets so uninspiring. Or maybe it's me. Perhaps I've been kidding myself all along and continued the pretence till even when the curtain had long gone down. Haven't been myself, I questioned my sense of self-worth these days more than I ever did in one lifetime. I've lost myself.




*



After reading Fatin's blog, I came to realize how much I miss going for a swim and jog like I often used to. I supposed it's work. It's not that I am so horribly busy. It's just that I am so fuckingly horribly busy, what with a billion things that require my immediate attention. Because world annihilation would ensue if otherwise.

(I haven't thought of working out my time and directions, really. ) Maybe, soon enough! Life is easier with directions.

It's been approximately half a year since I started working here. In all honesty, I am having lots of fun, despite the occasional fatigue from having too many things to handle. And several months it passes me by so quickly... I've completely lost track of time. Effective Time planning has never been my strongest suit. I never had a proper agenda, at best a dangerously vague list that pops up at the very last minute. Time has a sinister plan to rage against me, I think.




*




Somehow, it felt like we're having a real party at work today, as Aishah turned 23, and then everyone crowding her, and her gifts, and the food, during lunch break. And today also marked Mei Hsien's very last day at work. I supposed ppl come and go. How I friggin' wish I could turn back time. At times I felt like ending with what I'm going thru. I've no "energy" to move on now.


(This is random but I found this line on the first page of my friend's travelling moleskine - I think at certain points in life we all need to get out. Pilgrimage. To get out of home, and to be far away from the familiar. When we are too familiar, we become stale with boredom. And to be unfamiliar with a world that's new and perhaps strange, we discover a whole different part of ourselves we never knew.)


I am looking for the rewind button. The backspace key on my comp doesn't work anymore, so I can't go back.

Maybe I should really move on.