Major rant post.

I am not having the best of days lately. Everyday, the thought of my colleagues leaving the workplace still lingers around the back of my head. I hate this. I really do.

And to add to this mental burden I've friggin' imposed upon myself and more than anything, my officer is also tendering his resignation this week, which means leaving me to do every little damned thing on my own from next month onwards - yes, on my own, seriously, cause even my exec has already tendered, and best of all, I do not have even one single part-timer to help me. This is fucking pathetic!

I don't mind the Bestseller and Sales report, the 15 new non-fiction title report, and whatever crap shit report there is, cause I've been doing them all this while. But then, there is this weekly title replenishment, and not to mention shelving of the neverending stocks, which is enough to kill me. Let alone, doing them all by myself.

My section will be going thru major expansion and shifting of books probably end of this month. Perhaps now that my exec and my officer will be leaving, I have to friggin' re-explain every little thing we have planned out to whoever's replacing their job in this project. I'm not complaining, but how can anyone be so selfish?

I hate to say this but as for my officer, I have always understood he isn't really happy with the working style and the environment here and to leave with a one-week notice just like that (although he knows that our exec will be leaving already, and we are lacking of people, and still going thru major expansion), I supposed that's being irresponsible. I know if he leaves, this is none of his business. Okay, I don't fucking care, it's his future, but if he has that little sense of responsibility, he would at least wait till there is someone to replace him first before leaving. Don't run away from reality.





I'm tired. I don't want to be angry anymore. But I think I'm far too jaded to give a damn shit. I just let what I feel out of my system without filtering.

(And the worst advice one can give is, 'Don't think too much.')
I honestly wished I fucking could. I am so frustrated with the world and even more so with myself. Why do I even fucking care?





Out of the sudden I felt so fucken shitty I wanted to tear for awhile, just for awhile. Maybe then everything will be ok again. I wanted to run away from the world, yet I was hoping someone would listen to my rants and tell me it's ok to rant. I think is only human and there is absolutely nothing wrong letting your honesty out.

I find it hard to read my own mind sometimes. So I scrolled down my phonebook to see if anyone could share my madness, but there was none. i make my own decisions i guess. i can continue to gloat about it or finally decides to follow my heart.





I don't know what should I do exactly. But should I really let go all of this and leave? Taufiq mentioned to me before that I should endure and show what I am capable of. I'm not even sure myself. Somehow, it's always easier said than done.

I may have ran out of words to say to anyone, even to myself now. So to my dearest colleagues or anyone who read this, if you have any advice? Thanks.





*(sorry for the inappropriate words)